The Obsession of the Black Pearl
by Luna-GrrrBack023
Summary: As the premier of POTC 2 draws near the obsessive fans cannot take it any longer and the take much more drastic measures than reading spoilers. Follow one fan on a very familiar adventure and see just how far obsessiveness goes.
1. Prologue

**The Obsession of the Black Pearl**

**Disclaimer: The plot of this story belongs to Disney, as does Walt Disney World and the Magic Kingdom. The actors each belong to themselves. **

A/N: This story was born from a conversation at lunch the other day about how I am way too obsessed with this movie and how I've already spoiled it for myself. My brother thinks I'm crazy but he did have a hand in this, my friend did not. Hope you enjoy!

**Prologue**

The Authoress has been obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl since it first came to theaters in 2003. With the premier of the second installment drawing near she once again begins insanely obsessing, spending endless hours looking at spoiler pictures, reading the movie novelization, and dropping silly little hints at any moment, hoping someone will ask her what she's talking about. She finally takes it too far when begins stalking the stars of the movie. It lands her in the state penitentiary and that's where the real insanity begins.


	2. The Obsession of the Black Pearl

**Disclaimer: The plot of this story belongs to Disney, as does Walt Disney World and the Magic Kingdom. The actors each belong to themselves. Most of the characters belong to me but certain parts of them could be disputed. I don't claim anything but the madness.**

A/N: This story was born from a conversation at lunch the other day about how I am way too obsessed with this movie and how I've already spoiled it for myself. My brother thinks I'm crazy but he did have a hand in this, my friend did not. Hope you enjoy!

**The Obsession of the Black Pearl**

Authoress: This is stupid. I'm in prison and I'm writing the story! Oh well, maybe something good will come of it. At least I'm not going to hang like Jack.

Guard: Hey, you. I'm to give you a 5 minute phone call. You're going to hang in the morning.

_He handed her a cell phone and left._

Authoress: This can't be happening. They don't hang people in 2006. Hmm. Who can get me out of this?

_She dialed a number. _

Authoress: Hello? Yeah, it's me calling from jail. You've got to come rescue me; they're going to hang me in the morning. I know! That's what I said. Look, I'll pay you good money if you do. Great, we have an accord. See you in the morning.

_She hung up. _

Guard: Oh by the way, the Chief of Police told me to tell you that you're the worst stalker he's ever heard of.

_The Authoress rolled her eyes and went to sleep._

IN THE MORNING

_The Authoress woke up to gunshots and yelling. _

Authoress: What the?

_She looked out the barred window to the chaos below. Someone had tried to break into the prison and the prison guardswere shooting at people. She heard footfalls on the stairs. A boy a few years younger than her entered the cellblock._

Authoress: It's about time. I always knew younger brothers weren't that bad.

Brother: Thanks. Why am I doing this again?

Authoress: Because you're my brother and I'm the author. I control you. Also, I'm paying you a lot.

Brother: Right.

_He popped the door off its half pin barrel hinges._

Brother: Why were they keeping you in an 18th century prison cell?

Authoress: For spite I guess.

Brother: Well let's go.

Authoress: Not without my purse and Celebrity Stalking for Dummies.

_They escape the prison and survey the parking lot from behind some bushes._

Brother: A shrubbery!

Authoress: Not in my fanfic you don't. We need a car to escape.

Brother: We're stealing a car?

_The Authoress eyed a bright red Hummer complete with a cannon mount._

Brother: The Hummer?

Authoress: Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that car.

_She pointed to the Chief of Police's Porsche._

Authoress: What are they doing anyway? It looks like they're sending out a search party or an assault team. Do you know anything?

_Her brother grimaced._

Authoress: What?

Brother: I'm going to regret telling you this in a minute aren't I?

Authoress: I'll never know if you don't.

Brother: Fine. It seems that Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer are too obsessed with the money making ability of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. They wanted to make three more but the stars refused. They kidnapped all the stars of the movie and are holding them for ransom. The money has driven them insane. They won't take anything but a blank check and no one will give it to them. Oh no, you have that insane gleam in your eye, what are you planning?

Authoress: It is our duty to rescue the stars. Will we find that blank check and we will deliver it unto Bruckheimer and Disney. Where are they being held?

Brother: The castle in the Magic Kingdom is their base. They have collected their last star, from this city actually, and are on their way to Disney World in Orlando.

Authoress: Well we have to do it. The police won't be able to get a blank check from anyone with enough money. And they won't be able to take them by brute force. Walt Disney froze himself. He cannot be killed!

Brother: Wait, this sounds strangely familiar.

Authoress: No time for that! We must commandeer that Hummer!

_The Authoress and her brother snuck over to the Hummer and began to hotwire it. The Chief of Police, who for the sake of the story looks like Norrington, noticed and called all the officers over to the Hummer. The Authoress and her brother snuck past them, stealing the keys from Chief of Police Norrington, and drove off in his Porsche. _

Chief of Police Norrington: Turn this Hummer around!

Officer Groves: Sir, she's low on gas, we'll never catch them with 6 miles per gallon.

Chief of Police Norrington: I don't want to catch them just get them in range of the missiles.

Officer Groves: Sir, she's cut the gas, we can't start it. That's got to be the most dedicated stalker I've ever seen.

MEANWHILE IN THE CHIEF NORRINGTON'S PORSCHE

_The Authoress and her brother drove down the highway._

Brother: Where are we going exactly?

Authoress: We need someone with a lot of money who's stupid enough to give us a blank check. We also need a crew.

Brother: We don't need a crew.

Authoress: Well we need to get to Orlando a lot faster than this Porsche is going. And we do need a blank check.

Brother: So that means that we're going to—?

Authoress: Yes. That means that we're going to Washington D.C. to get a blank check from President Bush. And we're commandeering Air Force One.

Brother: You're mad.

Authoress: I'm either mad or I'm brilliant.

_Her brother rolled his eyes._

MEANWHILE ON THE BLACK BUS HEADED FOR DISNEY WORLD

_The kidnapped stars of POTC sat in the back of the bus looking very glum. The remnants of many McDonald's Happy Meals lay on the table, the Disney executives being penny pinchers and refusing to by them a better meal. The unfortunate stars include Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush and, Jack Davenport. Ironically the Happy Meals all contained toys from Dead Man's Chest and the stars are playing with them. Bruckheimer and the Disney executives, being immortal since Walt Disney is in Cryo, are all dressed like skeletal pirates and are singing, drinking and driving very recklessly._

Keira: Bloody pirates.

Johnny: Couldn't agree more.

Geoffrey: Yeah, there is a thing as too much money.

Bruckheimer: Quiet back there! No plotting.

Jack: Why would we be plotting? You've thought of everything we could possibly do.

Keira: Yeah, that and you can't be killed as long as Walt Disney remains in Cryo.

Bruckheimer: Just don't get any ideas.

_They all scowl. Who knew that Walt Disney had immortalized himself, Jerry Bruckheimer and all the Disney executives?_

BACK TO THE PORSCHE ON THE HIGHWAY

_The Authoress and her brother stopped at a way station to pick up a map and some snacks for the road. They were looking at the map spread out on the hood of the car when the Authoress's best friend walks over._

Friend: What're you guys doing here?

Brother: We're going after—.

Authoress: We've got a proposition for you.

Brother: We do?

Authoress: Yes. We've undertaken an expedition to rescue the POTC stars from Jerry Bruckheimer and the crazed Disney executives. All we need is a crew. There's bound to be some sailors at this way station crazy as me!

Brother: One can only hope.

_Her friend slaps her across the face._

Authoress: What was that for, I didn't deserve that!

Friend: I don't know why I just did that, but I'm in. Anchors away!

Brother: I never thought we'd find someone crazy as you.

Authoress: Peas in a pod we are.

_They get back into the Porsche and continue to Washington D.C. The Authoress had used her powers as the writer to get her a meeting with the President. While she met with the President her brother and her friend snuck into Air Force One's hanger under a canoe/ lifeboat. _

IN THE OVAL OFFICE

Authoress: So Mr. President I need a blank check from you to deliver to the evil Disney executives who have stolen all the oil and locked it up in Disney World.

President Bush: I just won't stand for that! How much did you want the check made out for again?

Authoress: I need a blank one; all you have to do is sign it.

_President Bush signs the check._

President Bush: Don't stop until that oil is safe!

Authoress: Sure whatever.

IN THE HANGER

_A canoe with two sets of feet has crept into the hanger where Air Force One rests._

Guard 1: This hanger is off limits to canoes!

Canoe: If I see one I'll tell it to take a hike.

_Another guard joined the first one to stand in the canoe's way._

Canoe: Why aren't you both at the festivities? It is the Fourth of July you know.

Guard 2: Guarding the President's jet is the most important thing we could be doing at this moment. We've been told that a group of celebrity stalkers is going to try and commandeer it.

Canoe: Well then what harm would there be in letting a poor old canoe take a look around?

Guard 1: Well...

Canoe: Please, my great auntie was a government jet.

Guard 2: No.

Canoe: Oh that's alright then. I know of a Black Bus that's much faster than this silly old jet anyway.

Guard 1: That Black Bus isn't real.

Guard 2: Yes it is, I've seen it. Tried to kidnap me, thought I was someone else.

Guard 1: You've seen a Black Bus that's crewed by immortal Disney executives and captained by a producer so in love with money that his wife is jealous?

Guard 2: No. But I have seen a Black Bus.

Guard 1: Well if it's not crewed by immortal Disney executives and captained by a producer so in love with money that his wife is jealous then it can't be **_the_** Black Bus.

Guard 2: Fine, whatever. Hey, the canoe's gone and it left a note.

Note: You idiots, canoes can't walk and talk.

Guard 1: I don't think that canoe was telling the truth. But maybe we should go to the Fourth of July festivities, it's unpatriotic not to, we don't want to be thought of as terrorists.

_Both guards leave. The Authoress sneaks in._

Authoress: That was brilliant.

Brother: I still think you're both mad.

_They fly Air Force One towards Disney World._

MEANWHILE AT THE CASTLE IN MAGIC KINGDOM

_The immortal Disney executives and Bruckheimer have brought all the stars to the secret underground Cryo chamber where Walt Disney is frozen. The money they are after is really to appease Disney, who they believe is a god, keeping them under the curse of immortality and blockbuster hits. They really want to make independent films._

Bruckheimer: Oh, Frozen One, Creator of Animation and Children's Laughter we come to you with the stars of one of the biggest movies made under your name. We were unable to obtain the Blank Check. These stars however are full of Unprecedented Acting Ability and fans all over the world worship them. We give you their Power. Please release us from this curse of Immortal Blockbuster Hits.

Disney's Voice: How dare you! The only thing that can break your curse is the Blank Check and a blood sacrifice from the Authoress.

Bruckheimer: Oh but we do have a blank check.

_He shows the frozen Disney a blank check._

Disney's Voice: Fool! This is a check signed by you! That will give me no power! I need a blank check from a person in power not to mention the blood of the Authoress.

OUTSIDE THE CASTLE

_The Authoress and her crew land the jet outside the castle. Her friend stayed with the jet while she and her brother went inside. Her brother muttered all the way there, about obsessive fans and manipulating the President._

Authoress: You should stop your complaining. You're a lot like me. You may not be an obsessive fan yet but you're well on your way to becoming one. You aided an obsessive fan, told her how to find her idols, and helped her commandeer two different vehicles to rescue them.

Brother: I still think you have no idea what you're doing.

Authoress: Then I'll prove you wrong yet.

_They peered around the corner of the Cryo chamber. The stars were all there but the Disney executives were still trying to appease their frozen master. He was saying something about an Immortal Blockbuster Hits curse and needing the Blank Check and the Authoress's blood._

Authoress: This doesn't sound good. How're we going to save them?

_Her brother however had a plan of his own. He had been put in charge of the Blank Check and he saw an exit he could get the stars out through. But he thought the Authoress wouldn't listen to him so he acted rashly. He whacked her over the head with her Celebrity Stalking for Dummies and snuck towards the exit. He mimed to the stars what they needed to do. They followed him out of the Cryo chamber, leaving the Authoress behind. _

_The immortal Disney executives, having gotten their chastising from Disney, turned to leave and sulk. But their hostages were gone! All they saw was an unconscious teenaged girl wearing a captain's hat and a shirt that said 'Really Mr. President, I am an Oil Tycoon, even my t-shirt agrees'. _

Bruckheimer: Where did they go! Who is this!

Disney's Voice: That is the Authoress! Be sure not to lose her. Now after your hostages!

_They rushed after stars and the brother only to find the jet taking off and the tires on their bus removed. The Authoress woke up. _

Bruckheimer: You! You're the one whose blood we need. It must be your fault we're cursed!

Authoress: Me? The Authoress? Think about it. If I was the Authoress then I wouldn't be in the situation. I could write myself out of it. But I'm not so therefore I can't be the Authoress. If I was I wouldn't write a story about immortal Disney executives, that's for sure. But I can tell you where the Authoress's brother is, he's a friend of mine and if he's her brother then they have the same blood, don't they?

_The executives stared at her. _

Random Executive: She's smart sir. We should do as she says.

Bruckheimer: No one tells me what to do. I've a mind to kill you now before you smart off anymore.

Authoress: Parley.

Bruckheimer: Damn. Alright let's go and get this brother she talks about.

_They fix their bus and drive after the jet._

MEANWHILE ON AIR FORCE ONE

Friend: Wow, it's the cast of POTC. Nice to meet you all. Wait, where's the Authoress?

Brother: She fell behind.

Friend: Don't try that with me. I'm an obsessive fan too. You hit her with an oar or her Celebrity Stalking for Dummies book. Now the Disney executives have her! How could you?

Brother: She was mad! Besides she wouldn't listen to me when I was trying to tell her how to rescue them. I did rescue them by the way.

Johnny: Yes you did and we're very grateful. Would you happen to know about this Blank Check?

Orlando: Yes, that's what the executives were after. The Blank Check and the blood of the Authoress. They need it to break the curse of Immortal Blockbuster Hits.

Brother: Yeah, she gave it to me to keep safe. Why?

Keira: You should give it to us, we'll keep it safe.

Brother: No, she gave it to me. Get lost.

Friend: Don't be so rude. Hi everyone...

_The Authoress's brother went to another cabin and sat down. He did feel a little guilty but on the other hand they had rescued the stars from the Disney executives. And now he had a blank check from the President of the United States. He heard the door open and Keira Knightley came in and sat down opposite him._

Keira: I'm really grateful you rescued me and—.

Brother: Don't even go there I've seen the movie and I'm not some obsessive fan. I'm not giving you the check. So leave.

Keira: Fine!

_She left the room._

Brother: Their all bloody mad.

_All of a sudden there was a thud. He ran to the main cabin. _

Brother: What's going on?

Jack: We've been hit by something. We need to land.

Friend: It's the executives, they've caught up and they're shooting at us!

Geoffrey: But they're driving a bus!

Johnny: They're also immortal because Walt Disney's in Cryo and they want to be free of his curse so they can direct independent films. None of this makes sense.

BACK ON THE BLACK BUS

Bruckheimer: How the blazes did you find me?

Authoress: The Authoress's brother told me where you were.

Bruckheimer: But if you're not the Authoress why're you looking for me in the first place?

Authoress: You turned me down for an extra part! I've never been more insulted in my life. I would've been a great pirate.

Bruckheimer: Well, I—.

Authoress: When you turned me down for that part, you forgot one very important thing mate. I'm an obsessive fan.

Random Executive: We're coming up on Air Force One.

_Bruckheimer walked to the front of the bus. The Authoress followed him._

Authoress: What say we run up a flag o' truce and I scurry over to the Interceptor and negotiate the return of your medallion, eh? What say you to that?

_Bruckheimer stared at her. _

Authoress: Oh my God.

Bruckheimer: Just a bit obsessed are we?

Authoress: Mmm, yes. Well you get the drift. You want me to go get the Blank Check for you then?

Bruckheimer: You see Jack, that's the difference between you and me. People are easier to search when they're dead.

Authoress: Help me.

_The Black Bus pulled up along side Air Force One. The executives made quick work of tying up the stars and the fangirl friend. The brother was no where to be found, but they didn't know that. The Authoress watched from behind her executive captors and mimed to her friend not to give her away. Bruckheimer was walking in a circle around his captors, taunting them. Suddenly the Authoress's brother stepped out from behind the jet._

Brother: Bruckheimer! They go free.

Bruckheimer: Are you out of you're mind?

_The Authoress's brother pulled out a lighter._

Brother: They go free.

Bruckheimer: You've only got one lighter and we can't burn.

_The brother pulled out the check._

Brother: You can't but the check can.

Bruckheimer: Who are you?

Authoress: He's the Authoress's brother!

Brother: But you said—.

Authoress: I said he's the Authoress's brother. And he's got a lovely singing voice.

Brother: What does that—?

Authoress: He's got the Blank Check!

Bruckheimer: Name your terms, Mr. Turner.

Brother: Oh God. Fine. The stars go free.

Bruckheimer: Yes, we know that one. Anything else?

Brother: And the crew, er the fangirl, is not to be harmed.

_From behind him the Authoress mouthed 'What about me!'. But she had seen the movie and knew exactly what was going to happen._

Bruckheimer: Agreed.

Authoress: Why do you have rotting teeth?

_They were all loaded back onto the Black Bus. Soon the Black Bus arrived at a rundown audition hall surrounded by a moat and only accessible by rubber dinghy. The executives are lucky enough to have a rubber dinghy._

Bruckheimer: Everyone but the brother and the fangirl off the Bus and into the dinghy!

Brother: You lying bastard, you swore they'd go free.

Bruckheimer: I agreed they go free but it was you who failed to specify when or where.

_The Authoress got a sinking feeling in her stomach and she walked to the dinghy._

Authoress: I'd rather hoped we were past all this Bruckheimer.

Bruckheimer: Don't you see? That be the same little audition hall that we made you queen of on our last little trip.

Authoress: But you never—.

Bruckheimer: Maybe you'll be able to make another miraculous comeback, but I doubt it. Into the dinghy.

Authoress: Last time I had my purse and Celebrity Stalking for Dummies.

Bruckheimer: By the powers you're right, where be Jack's pistol, bring it forward.

Authoress: You've got to stop doing that mate.

_The Authoress was given her purse and Celebrity Stalking for Dummies and shoved into the dinghy with the stars. A pirate executive rowed them across the moat and shoved them into the rundown audition hall. The Authoress walked down the gloomy halls towards the back stage area, the stars following behind her._

Keira: But you auditioned here before didn't you so we can leave the same way you did then.

Authoress: To what point and purpose? The Black Bus and my brother are gone and unless you've got a rubber dinghy hidden in your jeans, unlikely, they'll be gone long before we can save him.

Jack: But you're The Authoress. You've written countless fanfics about our characters and they always turned out the way you wanted. You created this place, how did you escape last time?

Authoress: Last time, last time I was here a grand total of three hours. Last time, this place wasn't a rundown creepy castle with a moat. Last time my mother picked me up.

Johnny: You spent three hours here auditioning and you didn't find another way out?

Authoress: Actually it was only a half an hour audition. My mother was late and I had to wait inside for the drawbridge to be lowered. But last time I found the break room.

_They arrive at the break room._

Authoress: By the looks of things this place has long been out of business, though I can hardly blame your bloody friend Norrington for that.

Geoffrey: You really are obsessed aren't you?

Authoress: Aye, that's why we're still stuck here.

_They rummage around in the break room. The Authoress finds a dusty box and pulls it into the center of the room. The box contains energy drinks. She hands each star and energy drink_.

Authoress: Let's go to the stage. We can burn the folding chairs and sing 'A Pirates' Life for Me' around the fire while drinking these energy drinks.

The Stars: WTF?

Authoress: C'mon. Please.

Orlando: Fine, what else are we going to do in this place?

_The Authoress and the stars light a bonfire using folding chairs and dance around it singing "A Pirates' Life for Me'. The energy drinks have made them all totally crazy and soon they are tired out. _

Authoress: What the Black Pearl really is is freedom.

Johnny: I'll drink to that.

_They all drink to it and then fall asleep._

IN THE MORNING

_The Authoress wakes up to an empty audition hall. The fire has burned out and THE BOX OF ENERGY DRINKS IS GONE! She runs out of the audition hall and finds the starts dumping the box into the moat._

Authoress: What are you doing? The rum!

Jack: No, the energy drinks.

Authoress: By why is the rum gone?

Keira: That moat is now filled with plastic bottles and energy drinks. The entire police force is looking for us, don't you think that littering will get them here as quickly as possible.

Authoress: No.

_She marched off around the moat. On the other side of the building she saw the entire police force and their fleet of rubber dinghies_

Authoress: There'll be no living with them after this.

IN THE RED HUMMER

_The stars are sitting in the back sipping champagne and watching the conversation between Chief of Police Norrington and the Authoress with great interest._

Authoress: Look I'm really sorry that I stole your Porsche but I needed to save them.

Chief of Police Norrington: That is no excuse; you should have left it to us.

Authoress: But you have to save my brother!

Chief of Police Norrington: No, they're safe now; we will not go gallivanting after Disney executives.

Authoress: Please. Do it for me, as a wedding gift.

Chief of Police Norrington: Lord help me.

Authoress: Oops.

Geoffrey: Please, the boy saved our lives. We'll give you our autographs if you save him.

Chief of Police Norrington: Deal.

ON THE BLACK BUS

Random Executive: I hate washing the windows of this bus.

Brother: Well I don't have any back-story questions for you so you'll just have to keep at it. I know you didn't know my father.

Random Executive: Damn.

AT THE CASTLE IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM

Authoress: You surround this place and I'll go in and get them to come out, then you can arrest them. Oh you should also rescue my friend from the Black Bus. This isn't her fault.

Chief of Police Norrington: I don't know why I trust you but okay.

Authoress: Because I created you.

_The Authoress sneaks into the castle and down to the lab where she watches as the Disney executives prepare to sacrifice her brother to the Walk Disney god. She steps around the corner and walks up to Bruckheimer._

Bruckheimer: It's not possible.

Authoress: Not probable.

Brother: Where are the stars?

Authoress: They're safe, they've given the police chief their autographs just like they promised and you get to be sacrificed just like in the movie! So it's all good right?

Bruckheimer: Shut up. You're next.

_He moves to cut the brother's throat._

Authoress: You don't want to be doing that mate.

Bruckheimer: Why?

Authoress: Because the police are out there and if you're no longer immortal they can arrest you and execute you.

Bruckheimer: They don't execute people in this day and age.

Authoress: They tried to execute me. Who knows what they'll do.

Bruckheimer: What do you suggest then?

Authoress: Well if you go out there now you can defeat them and then you'll be the proud owner of a bright red Hummer with a cannon mount. That's got to be better than the Black Bus.

Bruckheimer: What's in it for you?

Authoress: You can make me captain of the Black Bus. Or you can just give me 15 of your plunder and a big hat.

Bruckheimer: Agreed.

Authoress: All hands to the boats!

Bruckheimer: You really are losing it, aren't you?

Authoress: Yes, July 7 can't come quickly enough.

Bruckheimer: Gents, take a walk.

_The stars snuck out of the Hummer and freed the fangirl friend. The watched from behind the Black Bus as the cursed executives snuck up on the police force. Soon a battle of epic proportions began. The police shot at the pirates executives and the executives swung plastic swords at the police. It was madness. The stars and the fangirl friend snuck inside and down to the Cryo chamber. They watched from around the corner as the Authoress tried to reason with Bruckheimer._

Authoress: I know you need to appease Disney but there has to be another way. You can't kill my brother!

Bruckheimer: YOUR brother!

Authoress: Oops. Yes well I didn't want to get cut so I had to say something. And we do have the same blood. It's not like it wouldn't work.

Bruckheimer: That was very dishonest of you.

Authoress: Me, I'm dishonest and you can always trust a dishonest person to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to look out for because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredible stupid.

_She throws her Celebrity Stalking for Dummies to her brother who knocks his captor out with it. On that note the stars and the fangirl friend join in the fight but there were only two other executives so they won easily._

Disney's Voice: You fool! You'll never be free now! You may have the Blank Check but as long as the Authoress lives you're under her power.

Authoress: Oh, really? I thought they were under your power?

Disney's Voice: Yes but you gave me that power.

Authoress: Then I can take it away.

_She goes over to the Cryo chamber and pushes the defrost button. Then she takes the Blank Check from Bruckheimer and rips it in half._

Disney's Voice: NO!

Authoress: Oh yes.

_Outside all the executives that have been shot fall over dead. The few that are still alive raise their hands. _

Random Executive: Parley?

Chief of Police Norrington: The Park is ours gentlemen.

Officers: Huzzah!

Gov. Swann: Huzzah!

_Gov. Swann is shoved out of the fic by the police chief._

INSIDE THE CASTLE

Bruckheimer: Wait, I'm not dead, you didn't follow the plot!

Authoress: I can change that if I want. But I'd rather see you make wonderful independent films. I'm quite a fan of independent films myself.

Bruckheimer: Thanks, I'll get right on it.

Brother: We should return to the Dauntless, you're fiancé will be wanting to know you're safe.

Authoress: What?

Brother: Oh God, I've become one of you!

Authoress: Told you so. Now I'd be much obliged if you dropped me off at my ship...bus...whatever.

_They all walk outside. The Black Bus is being towed away. It was parked in a no parking zone._

Friend: I'm sorry Jack.

Authoress: They done what's right by them, can't expect more than that.

CUT TO A GALLOWS

Authoress: Wait you can't be serious. This is not what I wrote. There's no girl in a corset or pirate ship waiting to rescue me. Take these gallows away right now.

_The gallows disappear. The Authoress is standing in front of Chief of Police Norrington's desk. He looks very annoyed. _

Chief of Police Norrington: Authoress, you expect me to just let you go after all that you've done?

Authoress: Yes I do.

_She pulls a beautiful new sword out from behind her back and hands it to him._

Chief of Police Norrington: This is a beautiful sword. I expect the person who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of their life.

Authoress: Thank you.

Brother: Wait; someone's supposed to kiss in the end, aren't they?

Authoress: Yes, but I did the characters in a way where that doesn't really work, didn't I?

Chief of Police Norrington: You could kiss me.

Brother: What!

Authoress: Sure.

_Kiss._

Brother: OH GOD

**THE END**

The Original Disney characters and their counterparts

Jack: Authoress

Will: Brother

Elizabeth: The stars of POTC

Barbossa: Jerry Bruckheimer

Norrington: Police Chief Norrington (for lack of a better name)

Cursed Pirates: Disney executives

Gibbs: Fangirl friend (who is mostly real)

Police Force: British Navy

Disney and President Bush were extras in there for fun.

**Review please!**


	3. Epilogue

**The Obsession of the Black Pearl**

A/N: Well the movie has finally come and I love it, well not certain unspeakable parts but the rest of it, so I thought an epilogue was appropriate. And since Norrington, in all his scruffy glory, was so awesome I continued right where the last part left off and not in some obscure direction. Enjoy.

**Epilogue**

_The Authoress and Police Chief Norrington sat in the movie theater as the credits began to roll. _

Authoress: Gah! That was so good!

Chief of Police Norrington: But you cried. On my shoulder I might add.

Authoress: Of course I cried! Bruckheimer made Jack Kraken chow!

_She turned in her seat to glare at Jerry Bruckheimer, who threw his popcorn at her. _

Authoress: And you weren't very nice either.

Chief of Police Norrington: What are you talking about?

Authoress: Erm, nothing. I just get reality confused with fiction sometimes.

_He rolled his eyes. The stars filed past them._

Authoress: Good job you guys, that was brilliant!

Johnny: Glad you liked it. And thanks again for saving us.

Keira: Yeah, leave it to a fan to be able to rescue us from immortal executives dressed like skeletal pirates.

Authoress: Oh it was nothing. Keep making good movies.

_She waved to them as they left. Bruckheimer walked over to them. _

Bruckheimer: I'll let you know how my next independent film is going; maybe you can get a part.

Authoress: You better hope I get a part. Or my Commodore can arrest you. Pirate.

_Bruckheimer rolled his eyes as he and the Disney executives left._

Chief of Police Norrington: Can we go yet?

Authoress: Yes, alright. Why are you so uptight?

Chief of Police Norrington: I feel like I'm babysitting a child.

Authoress: Hey! Why are you complaining? You got the happy ending. The Commodore's not supposed to get a happy ending.

Chief of Police Norrington: You kissed me.

Authoress: You suggested it.

_Her brother sighed as he followed them out of the theater. Her friend walked beside him grinning and telling him how cute she thought the Authoress and Commodore Chief of Police Norrington were. _

Brother: These fans should all be contained and my sister should never have been shown how to use a computer.

_When Chief of Police Norrington opened the door of the theater he stopped and stared. The parking lot was gone. In its place was a harbor. He turned to the Authoress and smiled. _

Chief of Police Norrington: So tell me, what's become of my ship?

_The Authoress grinned and pulled him in the direction of a big beautiful ship being made ready to sail. Her brother stared open mouthed as her friend ran past him to board the ship. The ship, which we can call Interceptor Jr., sails away into the sunset. _


End file.
